Julia

3/3/08

Last week a baby was abandoned in a cab in New York City.  It was all over the local news, and they paraded her in front of the cameras with her big eyes and pink clothing.  For me, it was just one more reminder of how unfair everything is.This week I was looking for an address in my husband's sent email and came across an email he had sent to the local news station.  He had written to inquire about the abandoned baby and whether she was being put up for adoption.  He briefly told our story and said that we would be a wonderful home for this baby.  Reading this just broke my heart all over again.  I have been having a hard time over the past few days and he has been so strong.  We both have our moments, but my moments seem to overpower me lately.

I go to work everyday with pictures of Julia in my bag.  All day I just wait for someone to ask to see them....but no one does.  I know they think they are being sensitive but it hurts so much that she has been forgotten.  My work friends who had a baby a few months ago proudly show their pictures off.  I have to wait until someone requests to see them, because I don't want to make anyone "uncomfortable."  My friends have a new baby story to tell each week.  I just have one awful story to tell over and over again, so that by now everyone is tired of hearing it.

Going back to work is hard.  Pretending to be normal is hard.  I come home each day mentally exhausted from acting normal and happy all day long.