Buried

On bad days it seems like I am being buried.  There is a physical feeling that starts in the pit of my stomach and works its way up to my chest.  At its worst, grief manifests itself in this way for me.  It takes over  my body and mind until my head is swimming with sadness, guilt, and feelings of failure.  I am unable to see through these feelings and they overtake me.  Time stops and I give up trying to fight it.  I cry and scream and feel sorry for myself.  I apologize for disappointing others and tell myself that I am giving up.  I wallow in my sadness and let the tears come until there are no more.  

Then I pick myself up, and continue on with what I need to do.  

As my vision clears, I am able to remind myself that these feelings are not going to stay with me. 

 Just like everything else, this too shall pass.

Julia, your mommy and daddy are lost without you tonight...