When we got pregnant with our second child, Josh and I agreed that no baby stuff would be brought into our house until after the baby was born. And while we still feel strongly about this, I couldn't resist knitting a blanket for this little girl just like I did for Julia.
This little one has started to kick, and Josh and I love to sit in bed and watch my belly move. I feel guilty about this sometimes, because when we are focused on my belly we are paying more attention to our second child than our first. And if this baby comes home with us, this will also be the case. I know that Julia will always be part of us, but the reality is that this new baby will be getting all the attention. I try to tell myself that this would be the case with any second child- the newborn baby needs that attention. But this is not just any second child.
For the past 5 years, we have had a Hanukah party at our house each December. It has always been the highlight of the month, but this year we just couldn't get excited for it and decided to cancel it. Thinking about having a party brought us back to last year's party, when I was 9 months pregnant. We were so excited, and so were all of our guests. The night was spent talking about our baby and I loved it. Having a party now, with people talking about this pregnancy seems unfair to Julia. We have so few memories of her, but that night will always stand out as a special one.
That being said, this pregnancy has had many good moments. I was so scared that I would not be able to enjoy this pregnancy, but I do. I love being pregnant, and I love feeling this little life wriggling around inside of me. I love Josh talking and singing to my belly, and the nice looks I get from strangers. And everyday I am thankful that I was able to get pregnant again so easily and that I am having a healthy pregnancy.
6 comments:
It's true -- there is guilt in giving more attention to this baby and not wanting our other babies to feel like they are being forgotten or replaced. I think Jacob and Julia know how much they are truly loved and missed. And, I guess I've come to realize that in loving Talia, it is one way of honoring Jacob's memory. Because I want him to know how we would have been as parents to him here.
You look beautiful and I am so glad that you are able to enjoy this pregnancy through all of the worry.
(Did you notice that your facebook profile is on your computer in the background?) :)
Thinking of you often!
Sending you lots of love. I'm sure that Julia's candle will be lit, adding extra brightness to your menorah.
I'm sure we'll talk soon.
XOXO, S
Sorry about that.
I'm praying for you and this pregnancy. Beautiful pictures!
Bethany
This is such a nice post. I love that you are loving being pregnant again. I am finding it challenging to be happy, and allow myself the indulgence of wandering baby aisles... This post gives me hope, so thank you!
Your pics are just beautiful, you radiate!
Steph
So incredibly happy for you and Josh...sending hope and love, Deems
I am so glad things are continuing to go well with this pregnancy. Vic and I think of you guys often. Here's to a wonderful 2009!
~Michelle Jonas
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