First Day of Camp

This is Josh.

 

I know this is Camaron’s blog, and I feel like half an intruder writing on here, but today truly feels like the first day of what my summer is going to be like, and I feel the overwhelming urge to share after a long weekend of not being able to.

 

I was at a close friend’s wedding in Madison over the weekend, and it really was little kid / baby central.  I counted thirteen kids between the age of 5 and newly born, and I found myself making small talk with most of their parents over the three days (as a part of the wedding party, I felt obligated to be somewhat social).  It’s not that I even minded hearing about their kids or babies all that much- I no longer get angry at people that have what I don’t (not as much, anyway).  I just HATE that all weekend, I wanted nothing more than to share back, to talk about MY little girl and Camaron being pregnant and to show off the pictures I carry around in my wallet.   But no one asked if I had kids, and I’m just not allowed to bring it up.

 

I had my first day of camp today.  The building was filled with strollers and little ones dropping off and picking up their big brothers and sisters at camp. A couple of people I hadn’t seen since last year saw me and asked “are you a daddy now?”  As I had practiced a million times in my head, I said that we had had a little girl but she died, and they quickly apologized and went on to something else, as they always do.  But nothing gave me a bigger thrill than getting to talk about her.

 

I had a camper last year named Lili Michal, whom I just adored.  Julia’s middle name, Michal, came from her.  While Lili moved on from camp this year, her little sister is in another room.  I hadn’t realized just how much I had hoped to have seen Lili and her mom, dropping her sister off, until camp was over.  I walked home, just sad and missing my little girl very much.